Moving

expat parenting, German expat, mindfulness

I’ve been stuck in blogging inertia for way too long. While days and weeks have dragged and sped on, filled with lesson planning, translating, German lessons, play dates, baking, arguing, cooking, eating, guilting, laughing, interior planning, anxiety managing and too much wine & coffee drinking (plus a bit of Netflix-ing), I’ve been ignoring the little writer, cowering under the tens of thousands of thoughts that get processed in my head. ‘Write..’, it squeaks. But the thoughts of doing other things holler loudly and hold my attention longer than the little mousy writer.

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BUT! Today my procrastination skills are really working for my writing. 🙂

Being the master procrastinator can have its advantages. We’re moving out next week and I have lots of clothing and linen to wash and iron before ensconcing ourselves in a hotel opposite Alter Oper for at least a fortnight due to building delays. So instead of getting out the Persil capsules, I open up my laptop and log into my blog account after doing the obligatory Facebook browsing, article reading and ‘liking’ of the inspo memes and endearing photos. So here I am. Sorry, it’s been so long, M. The gap from the last post was a bit on the massive side but better late than… never (say never).

Instagram has been a sort of surrogate blog for me for the past few months – it’s much easier to ping on a pic and write down some thoughts that accompany it, but it’s not the same as sitting down and really thinking of stringing a few decent and sometimes not so decent sentences. There’s really only so much I can type in one go on the smart phone, and now that I’m displaying carpal tunnel symptoms which get worse with phone usage (I know!) , I’m trying to minimise writing essays on it.

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Bakeup artist me via Deliciousmother

Minimalism update: satisfied with the purging of unused, unwanted and unloved things. The move will go smoother for it, and now that we’re downsizing, it will be much more practical as far as storage goes. Working on getting the number of M’s toys down. Hard. When she looks at me with those eyes and frowns, it makes it bloody hard. But no one needs nine Barbies (all gifted!). I hate Mattel.

Sanity update: pretty sane. blips mostly in the early hours but managing with meditation and mindfulness. Rate TAD program and the Headspace app. Life changers!

Getting used to living in Germany update: pretty good. Language is key and now thatI can bark back at people who decide to give me lip, it’s ok 🙂 I’m using German as much as I can when out and about. Even went on a hiking trip with three German ladies and spent the majority of the time chatting in Deutsch. While this is great, it also means my English is suffering even more. This is why regular blogging would be useful for my written English.

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I love these things so much I felt the need to quadruple them. via Deliciousmother

Working on working out that writing muscle.

Miscellaneous
stephen king

source weheartit.com on pinterest.com

I don’t know how it’s so early in the morning and I’m actually writing this on Word. It seems something is testing my tenacity to write*. Tenacity may be too strong a word. How about my willingness to practice something that I have yearned to do, like a third of the population**: write a novel.

And the key to writing that novel is to actually write, right? Blogging here was initially a creative outlet and way to let my friends in Oz know what I was getting up to. Blogging now could be a way to exercise my willingness-to-and-actually-write muscle.

In the early days of this blog, I would write many times a week. It was a new and exciting thing to be doing when M would nap three times a day. I am lucky if she naps twice now. And then there’s life that gets in the way, like housework, play dates, shopping, worrying, thinking, thinking and thinking.

But the reality is, I’m letting life get in the way. Call is self-sabotage, because there is a certain kick I get out of writing and publishing posts. It means I’ve actually finished something, and finishing stuff is something that I know I need to work on. I usually get revved up with some idea, go crazy about it for a few moments, and when the novelty wears off, I kinda find excuses or something else exciting to invest my energy in.

Being disciplined is hard, but it seems for me, the biggest hurdle is overcoming self-doubt. Maybe I don’t have amazing ideas, maybe my writing is poor, maybe it’s just better to dream and not risk the criticism or rejection.

Well, that’s just the mind playing tricks on me, because as valid as those reasons are, they are just excuses that are holding me back from doing something I cherish and revel in. Perhaps there is still a part of me for whatever reason that believes I don’t deserve the luxury of doing something so valuable to me. Which is crazy, I know.

So it looks like I’m going to have to purge myself of the faffing game (like online retail browsing, party planning, watching crappy reality shows, eating that third slice of brownie cake) and really just… write!

*got out of bed at 5am not wanting to sleep any more. Crept to the front room to do some blogging, only to realise the laptop was in the bedroom. Proceeded to blog on the smartphone but was fighting with WordPress autocorrect to type out a simple word and then gave up. Crept back to the bedroom to pick up laptop, ensconced myself on the sofa all revved up to blog. And then I realised that the Wifi was switched off, and I would have to creep back into the bedroom to turn in on which could potentially wake M up. Eff that, I thought. Which brings us back to why I am blogging it on Word.

**I may be making that statistic up. I once read something somewhere about how many people want to write a novel.