Happy New Year! I hope you all had a lovely holiday season and haven’t been to harsh on yourselves for breaking your new year resolutions (sorry, a bit cynical, I know).
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t make any resolutions on December 31, 2013. No lists of things to do or who/what to become. I’m taking the pressure right off to be perfect. You know, the perfect size/weight (although I would like to get back to my pre-holiday season shape, but not a size 0), the perfect mother (shoulda seen my yesterday with M), the perfect wife (I think I lost that resolution almost five years ago, and what does the perfect wife even mean? Sex on tap and acquiescence till death?), the perfect daughter (I think stopped being one when I was no longer virginal, but probably it was when I didn’t make it into James Ruse High) or perfect sister (Amazingsister, I’m so sorry for the times I made you cry).
Let’s face it, all those efforts didn’t see me being anywhere near ‘perfect’, and only ended up with severe angst, tears and lovely ol’ anxiety about it. And let’s not forget the shame fuelled sugar binges.
Oh no. I’ve come to realise finally that, trying my best is enough. I am enough. I am bloody, frickin’ enough. It’s all well and easy to write and say that, but sometimes it’s really hard to believe that when challenged with a toddler who refuses to nap, and pees/poos where it’s not appropriate. On a day like yesterday a hundred “I love myself” and “It will pass” mantras would not do the trick!
So now that I’ve had a bit of time in January to think and observe myself (in thought and in action), I’m going to make a few Chinese New Year Resolutions that aim not for perfection, but for more joy.
1. Make a daily mantra: I am enough!
2. Be more mindful of waste: take carrier bags when shopping, buy bulk, use up my cosmetics/make up before adding to the mini apothecary I already have. etc.
3. Take care of me first. Do things that relax me, bring me joy, slow me down and make me feel better. Whether it’s yoga, a run, journalling, writing my novella, saying no (a challenge for a people pleaser like me), letting Amazing M watch a bit of telly while I take a half hour nap, or going out with my gorgeous girl friends (without child).
See, not a perfecting resolution in sight!
Also a loving shout out to Miss AJK. Miss you loads and your text came at a very handy time. Love you long time!