Advice for singletons.

Miscellaneous, Relationships

I’m back on WordPress after a busy couple of weeks. A trip to Morocco (not Monaco, as thought by my mum. It would be nice to be holidaying there with a week long stay in Hotel Paris. One can dream, right?) and a week long laundry marathon was the reason for my not wanting to blog! Oh, and there’s the little event of Amazing M settling into nursery this week – another post topic.

The title of this post was inspired by a few single friends of mine and friends of friends that are looking for love. I cannot fathom, for the life of me why they are single. They are, after all very fab and very loveable. Friends and I have often discussed why it is so hard to find someone ‘decent’ at ‘our ages’ (in our third decade of life). We often lament that all the decent ones are taken but I’m sure that’s not really the case. My friends are decent but yet to be taken. Could it be our hectic work schedules added by extremely high expectations and standards? Besides going on countless speed dating events, mixers and online dating sites, what can one do?

I’m no female Casanova so the advice I thought I would share with you comes from my self-help hero, Louise Hay. “They” say love comes when you least expect it and I suppose that was true in my case.  Never in a million years did I think I’d end up snogging some random European tourist/student in some seedy Sydney nightclub/bar which consequently resulted in marriage and having Amazing M.

DEAR LOUISE,

I need someone in my life! Any affirmations to attract love? Thank you so much! –Becca
Dear Becca,
There’s a big difference between the need for love, and being needy for love. When you’re needy for love, it means that you’re missing love and approval from the most important person you know—yourself. You may become involved in relationships that are co-dependent and ineffectual for both partners.
You can never create love in your life by talking or thinking about being lonely. Feeling lonely and needy just pushes people away. Nor can you heal a relationship in your life by talking or thinking about how awful it is. This only places attention on what’s wrong. You want to turn your thoughts away from the problem and create new thoughts that will produce a solution. Arguing for your limitations is just resistance, and resistance is simply a delay tactic. It’s another way of saying, “I’m not good enough to have what I’m asking for.”
The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you’re happy with yourself, then all of your other relationships improve, too. A happy person is very attractive to others. If you’re looking for more love, then you need to love yourself more. This means no criticism, no complaining, no blaming, no whining, and no choosing to feel lonely. It means being very content with yourself in the present moment and choosing to think thoughts that make you feel good now.
If you want to go from loneliness thinking to fulfillment thinking, then you need to think in terms of creating a loving mental atmosphere within you and around you. Do let all those negative thoughts about love and romance just fade away; and instead, think about sharing love, approval, and acceptance with everyone you meet.
When you’re able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs, then you won’t be so needy and co-dependent. It has to do with how much you love yourself. When you truly love who you are, you stay centered, calm, and secure, and your relationships at home as well as at work are wonderful. You’ll find yourself reacting to various situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won’t seem quite as crucial anymore. New people will enter your life, and perhaps some old ones will disappear—this can be kind of scary at first—but it can also be wonderful, refreshing, and exciting.
Remember, when you think joyous thoughts, you’ll be a happy person, everyone will want to be with you, and all of your current relationships will improve. Here are some favorite affirmations:
From time to time, I ask those I love, “How can I love you more?”
Love happens! I release the desperate need for love, and instead, allow it to find me in the perfect time-space sequence.
I draw love and romance into my life, and I accept it now.
Love is around every corner, and joy fills my entire world.
I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.
I am comfortable looking the mirror, saying, “I love you, I really love you.”
I now deserve love, romance, and joy—and all the good that Life has to offer me.
Love is all there is!
*** *** Louise
I think her advice is useful not only for those looking for relationships but also for those who have been in long term partnerships.
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